Busy Times

It has been a very busy few weeks at our house. I have been remodeling our kitchen and it has been a lot of work but the results are incredible. We went from fake oak cabinets to beautiful black with silver pulls and a gorgeous mosaic back splash. It looks so good. I still have one more coat to put on the island cupboard doors and we need to grout the back splash but its so close. I will post pictures once it is fully finished. It feels really good to know that I did all the renos and it turned out so great. Very rewarding.

Joel lost his 2 front teeth this past week. He has a great big gap now and it looks so cute :) I can't believe he is so grown up already.

Here is a picture of him after her lost the first one. I still need to take a picture of the 2 missing.

Not too much is new with Colin really. He is loving kindergarten and it is a nice break for me. Having just one kid around the house is easy!

April is OBSESSED with the movie Mamma Mia lately. She loves the music and would sit there and watch it over and over if i let her. We borrowed an ABBA cd from my dad today so I am going to burn it and maybe she will like listening to it for a while rather than watching the movie. She can sing a few of the songs too which is adorable. I still need to record it on video.

Nathan is quickly approaching his 30th birthday! Where did the time go? I swear it was just yesterday we were celebrating my 18th. Crazy how fast the years fly.

Sweet Kitty

This last week was a very hard week for me. Our precious kitty got very sick from ingesting foam flooring that created an intestinal blockage. We decided that the risk and cost of surgery was not something we felt we could go through with and made the difficult decision to end her suffering. On Saturday we said good-bye. She will be greatly missed. I am blessed that the kids are too young to really understand. That was a very big concern of mine before we put her down, was that the kids would take it really hard. Luckily they don't seem to notice to much. The boys have both asked if we can get another cat. I just pray that when the time comes we will find a new kitty that can fill Eva's paws.

Rest In Peace Sweet Eva!

Hot Lips

We were driving in the truck today and April was bugging Colin. He was starting to get annoyed and he turned to her and says "Hey! Stop that hot lips!"

The things they do.

I wanted to start doing more posts.. shorter posts more frequently. I really want to document my kids more often before they are grown and I forget the little things they do that you think you will remember forever. Here are a few of their quirky little habits.

Joel has been doing this for a long time but I am sure with time it will fade away. It drives me a little crazy but it is who he is and I want to remember it. It used to be more frequent, like every time he had anything to say but now its more random. He will say to whoever he is talking to "Can I ask you a question" before every single question he asks. I always tell him that he doesn't need to ask if he can ask that he should just ask the question, but he still does it. LOL! Crazy boy!

Colin loves blankets! He will take as many as he can carry and use them to turn into different things. It started out that he used to turn them into cars but now they will be just about anything from cars, to a space ship to the moon. "Come on April come get in my rocket ship". He has a wild imagination. Below is a picture of one of the first times he decided that all big blankets could potentially be cars. He even pulled Joel and Grandma in on the fun.

April's newest thing is that she loves jewellery and she calls all necklaces "my pretty". She loves to try on all sorts of different pieces and even dress up the cat with them. "Mommy Eva pretty". I am sure this is just a small preview of things to come.

Proud!

Time to check in! Been to long and too absent since my last update. Things are going pretty well. It has been a busy few months but now that Christmas is over things are slowing down a bit.

I have been so proud of my boys this week! Joel was having some attitude and listening problems but the last few days he has been making giant strides to improving that. Everyday this week he has already been dressed when I've gotten out of bed, this morning he even had his full snow suit on ready to head to the bus.. LOL! So he ate breakfast fully bundled, but it sure was nice not having to bitch and nag! He has even been putting his stuff away without being asked! I have been trying to tell him how proud i am and how much i appreciate it so that he feels appreciated as well. Colin has been making great strides in school this week too. He has started writing his own name and is on his way to knowing all his upper case letters. It may not sound like much but up until now he has had no interest in learning any of that. April got the leapfrog magnetic alphabet for Christmas and he has been playing around with it and learning that way. He can even identify his last name now!

I wanted to come one here and have a positive post for once. Its nice to look back and see a little bit of positivity and remember the good stuff :)

The Post I Never Knew How to Write.

This entry has been a very long time coming. Years upon years this thought has been going in an out of my mind, like a strong wind that comes and goes. I have always past it up and tried to write it off, trying to come up with any excuse to talk away what I have always felt. I kept thinking that certain things would fix it, like if I just find the perfect man, get married, have a baby, get more money, get a dog, get a cat, a bigger house, nice clothes, maybe if I have another cup of coffee, or maybe i just need some more sleep, something, something has got to take this feeling away. But inevitably nothing has. It blows in an out depending upon the day, and I have never wanted to actually admit it to myself, and most definitely not to anyone else, but I think I am depressed. Today is one of my bad days, where I wake up and I just don't feel like doing anything, I get out of bed because I have to. I have to get the kids fed and dressed, get Joel off to school, but I feel overwhelmingly sad, overwhelmingly irritable, and kind of empty. I make it through the days, which feel unbearably long, and nothing can shake me of this funk. I have often tried to pass it up as boredom, but I don't want to do anything. There isn't a thing that sounds like it will be enjoyable. Then I have my good days, where I feel great, I get lots done, I enjoy playing with the kids and life feels great, and I realize why it is worth living. I keep thinking this feeling will go away but it doesn't, and I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go from here or what to do. I am sick of feeling like this and being at the mercy of my emotions, but I don't want to medicate myself either. I am at the point though where I don't know what else to do. I guess that is why it has taken me so long to admit this because I feel like the world is over medicated. If you are reading this and have dealt with depression before I would really appreciate a response to tell me about your experience. Today I just feel hopeless.

Blue

I am sitting here right now feeling a little defeated. Today has been a very draining day. April is sick and has been very needy and clingy. She isn't sleeping well and when she is awake all she seems to do is cry. She won't eat. Now it looks like Colin is also getting sick. Joy of all joys. Sometimes being a parent can be very challenging. To top it off, Nathan and I found out about some not so wonderful family drama today. I just find it so hurtful to know there are certain people in my life that feel the need to talk about me behind my back for not weeks, not months, but years, and then put on a happy smiling face when they are around me. I know I am certainly far from perfect but I just feel like if there is something that I am doing that you don't like or that hurts you in some way I wish people would just let me know. I don't know. I am feeling extremely drained today, and I am on the verge of tears. It could be that I am getting sick too, and that I am a little over tired. Hoping I will feel better tomorrow. Really hoping this bug passes me by.